Challenge Mode Activated: Call of Duty: Relationship Warfare

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The hardest of the hardcore gamers are always looking for a way to take their game to the next level. Sometimes, after being a game on Normal, Hard and whatever level may lie even beyond that, a game may no longer hold the same sort of luster for a player – so much so that they begin to feel that creeping feeling that it might be time to move on. But fear not, after meeting with several scientists in a secret underground lab and extensive testing on several volunteers, there have been several solutions designed to maximize your playing ability – pushing players to their limits and getting the most fun possible out of a potential game.

Warning: Any real world attempts should be monitored by a skilled physician and trusted family member or friend. By having read that previous sentence, you absolve Busted Bitmap of any and all responsibility.

Call of Duty: Relationship Warfare

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Ask any gamer what one of the most difficult things to do while playing an online game and a majority of them will drift to the bane of multiplayer: The people who don’t understand that you can’t pause something that’s online. The concept seems almost foreign to these offenders.

Garbage needs to be taken out? Pause the game. Dishes put in the dishwasher wrong? Pause the game. Baby crying? You better believe you’re pausing that game.

Except for the fact that you can’t stop the action, it’ll just continue on the map as your character stands idle – nothing more than cannon fodder. So you’re torn between running as fast as you can to get what you need done, disconnecting or starting a fight to net the time to play.

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So, for those of you who’ve have beaten Modern Warfare 3 on Veteran and trounced all competition online, try this to spice up your online play. First, start your Xbox and prepare to jump into an online match – play a few rounds of survival or Spec Ops so you really get into the game. After all, you’ve settled in for the duration and want to net some playtime showing off your skills. All warmed up and ready to play. Good, get ready to jump into a multiplayer queue and prepare for a true test of ability.

Walk into the other room and pick a fight with your significant other – if one is currently unavailable, a family member or roommate will amply suffice. If they’re sitting idly, seemingly minding their own business, just smash something of theirs to get their attention with wanton disregard. Perhaps they happen to be trying on a newly purchased article of clothing, tell them how hideous it looks, how much it fails to flatter their otherwise grotesque body type or tell them how much you hope they didn’t waste a lot of money on it. Whatever you have to do, do it – you want a challenge after all, don’t you?

After angering the other person to the necessary degree, sit back down at your Xbox, don your headset and prepare to lay waste to some n00bs. While doing so however, you’ll need to balance your attention between that spawn camping punk and the fact that at any second, you might get a pot-full of boiling water dumped in your lap as a result of your douchebaggery, which should still be fresh in the mind of your assailed target. If the fightee you’ve chosen to help take your game to higher levels of skill hasn’t physically assaulted you yet, keeping things in the realm of artless arguing and screaming, your focus should be drawing to Zen-like heights.

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If you’re about to receive a Care Package filled to the brim with ass kicking, then it may be a good idea to disconnect, but you’ve already made the choice for a real challenge, so follow through. At this point however, if your focus hasn’t been interrupted by a fist to the face – or a circuit breaker, for the more creative – then your amalgamated abilities should be nigh upon Buddhist/Bullet-time zeniths. This will be the best you ever play.

The world, along with the gratuitous amounts of shouting, will have bled away leaving you encompassed in a zone superseding that of those who have accomplished the very highest realms of concentration. Artisans, Military Snipers, Olympic Athletes can only dream of the meditative awareness flowing through your veins as you net kills streaks. Accusatory screams of cheating crescendo in your headset. You fear this moment will languish as nothing more than a mere moment of legendary play as you dive over cover into yet another fray as the screen consumes you in a bemusing white light.

It’s then hours later you wake up on your floor in a daze. Unsure of what has transpired amidst what you’ll later describe to your friends as some sort of “religious experience,” you adjust slightly on the debris poking and prodding your achy body. Darkness is settled in the room as you shift over the remains of your console and television. Your mouth feels cottony and possesses the languishing taste of copper.

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Lying there on what remains of your electronics, you don’t seem to care about how much time may have passed between initially starting your training session and now or the fact that you may be suffering from a concussion or internal bleeding. For a brief moment, your game was at the top tier. You accepted the challenge and probably won’t look back, even as you figure out how to acquire a television and Xbox that happen to be intact. In the meantime, you may have some apologizing to do and perhaps a couch to prepare to sleep on for a while, but for now you relish in your victory.

 

 Challenge Mode Deactivated.